The Living Memory

Day after day, I’m becoming more weakened. I don’t really know why it’s happen to me. The only feeling that I know this time is only despair, depress and lonely. I did try to live like the others, believe in possibilities, having a positive thinking out of every decision I make. But still I can’t figure out why I still end up loose my consciousness of happiness, warm and lively relationship with people around.  It’s so weird, why my life ends up like this?

By sitting on the chair, I slowly calm myself. Hoping that I can rewind back every step I had taken in my life, also desperately eager to find out the solution of this miserable life I had. For a certain moments, yes its works to me. One by one the memory came back, singing and dancing inside my mind. Without I notice, a smile suddenly appears through my dumb and bored face. It was a beautiful moments that I had before with my dearest friends. We do have fun a lot when I recalled, especially the time we hang out at a hypermarket, looking for equipments and things that need to be prepared for our second vacation which was held in a week after.  Joey was the one whom poses a high sense of humor in our group. He always can make everyone laugh and giggle even when we were having a difficult moment in our daily life. His smiling face, I still can imagine it clearly. Always looked so energized and equip with a highly positive thinking and instinct toward life, that how I could describe Joey personality.

When a final exam of our secondary school almost around the corner, my group; Joey, Pian, Ubi and I began our own preparation.  The leader of the study group went to Pian. He was the most brilliant and generous person we ever known. He never resists teaching us and never give up helping us, even he needs to repeat the same thing for a hundred thousand times. We work really hard, until there was a times when Joey, Ubi and I need to stay at Pian’s house for a night. For the others student, a week before final exam was the most depression time in their life, but not for us. With Joey around, that time had become an enjoyable moment without neglecting our study. Study smart, not study hard, always relax and never rush, respect the knowledge and never give up, that what Pian always said to us if we want to be success and knowledgeable.

One day, Ubi and I had a walk in the town without Joey and Pian around. The next day, was Joey birthday and Pian, Ubi and I planned to give a surprise birthday present to Joey. Pian was assigned to make sure that Joey didn’t notice about our plan, so then Ubi and I could do some shopping stuff peacefully.  I still remember how bad that day was. It was like a nightmare to me when something really terrible happen and we were the victims in that situation. After a half day wondering around the town, we finally managed to find the thing that we are looking for, a guitar, which had became a Joey’s dream to have it. Unfortunately, on our way home, five man equip with a knife in their hand seems like already waiting for us on a road that we supposed to pass through. I start feeling nervous and panic, but Ubi bravely said “Do not fear of something that still not occur, Amad”. Then what I’m afraid most truly happen. We have a really unfair fight that night. They kept swaying their knife randomly and never give us a chance to escape. In that uncontrollable situation, I saw how hard Ubi fight to defend our valuable item, Joey’s guitar. He did fall on the ground and piercing by the knife, but he never gives up and kept fighting until his last strength.

*****

For a sudden, someone knocked my room’s door, and that disturb me from my day-dream. Then, quickly I wipe the tears on my face and left my chair toward the door.

*****

Regarding the worst day Ubi and I had gone through; we end up in a hospital. I still can saw Ubi’s smile, in my mind, when he had been inform that the guitar was save. Me? I just having a small injured on my body and head compared to Ubi, which needed to suffer a week for further treatment in a hospital because he was badly injured in stomach. The incident was the most frighten and unforgettable moment in my life.

*****

What the point I’m telling you this story? What connection it have with my worst life? How is this supposed to be the solution that I looking for?  The story that I told here was incomplete yet.  Joey, Pian, Ubi and I end up by breaking our precious relationship because of a small and unreasonable explanation. I still can’t forgive myself due to what actually happen in our brotherhood relationship. To me, they are everything in my life. They are my joy, my happiness, my strength, my success, my family and part of my spirit. Deep in my heart, I still hoping that one day we will be able to be together again like 3 years ago.

Written by Nik Ahmad Fariq B Nik Ibrahim

Saturday, April 17, 2010